Stroke

[livingwith]

Hi, my name is Sandra and I had a stroke at 50 years of age. Yes, I am a babyboomer who refused the idea about getting older.The saying 50 is the new 30 seemed so true. I hadn’t wrinkled much since my 30’s and I could still wear jeans with t shirt tops. yes indeed I was the new 30 but oh I was still 50. I was born June 4, 1957 in Riverside CA. I was the only girl born to my parents. I was their last child. I grew up always waiting to be able to reach the door knob or waiting for what...Read the full article

[sarah jane]

11/07/2007
Dear Sandra: My name Is Sarah. my mother, Peggy, had a Hemorrhagic stroke on August 21, 2007. She received immediate help so she survived. But she is now in a rehab recovering. I read your story last night and then today printed it out for myself and my mom. I cannot believe no-one commented yet, I truly enjoyed your style of writing and personal story. I related to it on two levels, as a daughter of a stroke victim and as a woman going through life. I am 29 years old and my mom is 62 years old. But we are all women and I think my mom will relate on both levels as well. It has been about three months and shes improving but very slowly. I know shes getting frustrated, who won't..... But we are a family of five, plus our extended family and close friends are all involved and are very caring. We want her to get her life back, which means returning to her job as a school nurse, walking the road with her dog and dancing with my dad. They have been together for 40 years and are a great couple. This has been very scary and sad. It seems unreal sometimes, just two days before her aneurysm my mom was cleaning out the gutters on their house. And two weeks before that she was camping in upstate New York with my dad and her sister and brother. Peggy was in good health, active and ate a low fat diet; she did not smoke or drink. So, it has been even harder to understand and I guess accept. I am pretty angry at times for my mom, I feel shes been robbed and I feel so bad for her. I live in Nevada with my boyfriend and our two, crazy dogs. So, when I got the news on August 21st, I flew to New Jersey and stayed until last week. So, I was there a little over 2 months and I saw a ton of progress but she has a long road of recovery to go. She is starting to feel bad and my dad said shes been crying and he feels so awful, so lost. And I feel helpless, especially now that I'm home in Nevada but I am lucky enough to be able to go back for a few weeks around Christmas. This was my worst fear, something terrible happening to some-one I love and being so far away. It makes me think how I have missed so many years of the good times, when my mom was her healthy self. I too worry a lot, I guess I always have. Now I think about strokes, maybe my mom will have another one or my dad or even me. Huh, its horrible to even think. To sum all of this up: Peggy has lost her right side and speech but has started saying some words and phrases. Her right arm is pretty bad but her right leg seems to be coming along a little faster. We hope to get it all back but from what I have read most don't. So, I want to aim for 100 percent recovery and I hope it comes true. My mom has the will and we are her cheering squad. I hope to be writing you again and saying shes walking and shes talking in full sentences. I am so happy that you shared your story. I am even more happy that you are doing well and living life. I hope you and my mom live to be very healthy, happy and of course stroke-free old ladies. I hope you and your loved ones have a wonderful up-coming holiday season. Take care, Sarah

[Blazengirl]

Dear Sandra and Sarah,
I am new to this site but when I read your posts, I just had to reply myself since I am soon to be 52 and on Halloween night this year, my 76 yr old father suffered an acute aschemic stroke. What can I say...everything changes when a family member suffers a stroke. I has just spoken to him earlier on Halloween evening and he seemed fine, no slurred speech, no indication of his not understanding what I was saying...nothing. It was a normal phone conversation for us. My parents had just returned a couple of weeks earlier from a trip to Italy and they seemed to really enjoy their time over there. Then, a few hours later, I got the "call" that he was in Neuro ICU. I, too, live out of state in Florida so the next day, I flew up to Indiana to be there with the family for a few days. It's so hard not being there every day! I am lucky in that I have 4 brothers, 3 of whom live close to my parents so they are not alone up there and for that, I am grateful. My Dad is now 27 days post-episode and is making what I believe is marginal progress but progress nonetheless. And as you guys have stated already, progress for stroke victims is VERY slow. He is still completely paralyzed on his right side, has a permanent feeding tube, does say a few words and is getting intense rehab every day. He has also been fitted with some sort of leg brace for his right leg to help him stand and be a bit more mobile to be able to maybe use a walker. On Friday, he will be transferred to a nursing home and the prognosis is that he will NEVER be able to come home again. I miss talking with him terribly and would give anything to have that phone call back. His one saving grace is that he is a left handed person and because his right side was affected due to the damage being on the left side of his brain, they feel he does recognize us and could regain a lot of what he has lost over time. My Mom now spends her days being with him and helping him re-learn things as best she can. I worry about her as well because this has been very tiring for her as well. I have been doing A LOT of research and the odds of him fully recovering even enough to be cared for at home is, at best, a long shot. It took me quite some time to be able to even talk about him and the stroke without crying so I think I'm dealing with it ok. But my Mom still thinks he'll be coming home and I don't have the heart to remind her of the odds of that happening. The holidays are tough this year and I can't help thinking about what I know he'd be doing if he was well. I am going back up there in 2 weeks for a few more days to spend with him in the nursing home so then I'll see for myself the progress he has made. I swear when I look in his eyes, the father I know is there, he just can't express himself anymore so I want him to know that I care and I believe he will return to us. However, as I'm sure you both know, there is so much that could still go wrong with my Dad in these early months. That being said, I also know that miracles do happen so I am going to pray that all of us experience that miracle with ourselves and our loved ones in this upcoming year. Take Care, Diane

[sarah jane]

11/28/2007

Dear Diane: I finally got a chance to check-in. I am glad you wrote your story, I am always looking for some-one who understands. I have lots to say but I'll try to be brief. As for your dads current condition, it should change but its slow going. From what I have read and heard, it could be 2 or 3 years before we see their total progress. I also read that it takes 3 years before the brain swelling to totally go away; which slows the process down quite a bit. So, there is hope and there is a good chance he could come home but at first he would need an aide. We are at the point where my moms rehab, Kessler, told us she will be leaving next Tuesday and then off to a sub-acute place; which is a nursing home where she will receive less then half the therapy shes been getting. Its not what we want but its the rehabs and insurance peoples' decision. Then we have decided to take her home after that- with me and an aide at home with her. I will be home around Christmas but this time only for 1 month. So, I can help transition my mom at home and my dad with caring for her. I hope it helps, I feel so out of the loop now that I returned to Nevada. I'm just too far, its a difficult situation and they all need my help. I know your pain about being far away, I too have family there helping out but they still need more. I do hope for you, Sandra and my mom/Peggy; that it all does work-out and the full recovery or close to it comes and stays. For us its too early to say but I am being hopeful, its just to sad to think otherwise. I feel terrible enough about it; I need to stay positive to keep my sanity. I will be thinking and praying for your father and mother; all of you. I hope you have a nice, healthy up-coming holiday season. Take care, Sarah

[DaveWS]

hi Sandra, I'm Dave and I turn 50 Mar25, 08. Had my rightside ischemic at 49 (9/15/07). I, like you, felt like I was 30 still. I worked out at the gym, went dirt biking with my son...always doing something. But I hadn't seen a Dr since 40th b-day (my then-wife made me get a physical). But high blood pressure, high cholesteral and stress (worked fulltime, owned 2 small businesses and went through divorce 3 years ago). A Dr visit a year or 2 ago could have prevented this. Take care.
You can find me on strokeboard.net.
Dave S

[sarah jane]

March 9, 2008

Dear Dave and Diane:

Hi, Wow, I haven't been on for awhile now, but I am have happy to see a post but sad for the reasons why. Well, I guess I should up-date you and everyone on the forum. I did go back at Christmas time for a little over a month, My mom, Peggy came home from rehab then. She had a bad first night due to intense pain in her legs, most likely spasms and was taken to the hospital and unfortunately spent three days there. Now we address those pains with medicine, and she has had no problems. You will learn different tricks along the way. Anyways, I was so heart-broken when I first came home and saw my mom so different. I know she's alive and has come so far but she is handicap now, b/c her right side is paralyzed and her speech is limited. She can say yes or no and do u understand me but otherwise nothing. Dave: I too, remember the night before her stroke, we talked on the phone, I woke her and she was tired and out of it but she was talkative and we were going to see each other in a few days. She was flying out to Reno, Nevada to drive cross country with me and my dog, Tex. I was finally leaving my boyfriend of 11 years, which didn't happen after the stroke and all. Crazy how things change so fast and can go so wrong. Anyways- I miss our talks too and I feel just so bad for her and her struggles and losses. I talk to my mom everyday and she listens mostly, but at least shes there and i know its good to engage her verbally, sometimes she surprises me and says a sentences or reponds with okay verses yes or some other different word. As for my dad- I know my dad is stepping up to the plate and taking great care of her, plus we have a aide a few days a week. But all in all its scary and I worry will she need forever care besides us, my dad?What will happen if my dad gets sick? I just worry now all the time. I know I would take my mom in a heart beat, I love her but I know she would prefer being with my dad and be living in New Jersey. I try not to think too much, or I'll become sick. But I call them everyday and I email lots too. I plan to visit again in May and possibly for all of July, with my 2 dogs and boyfriend. We hope to drive cross country and stay with my parents and his, since they live a town apart. I can't wait, I hate not being there, and not being part of my moms recovery, plus keeping my dad company. I know he's worn-out and lonely on some levels, like the talking he and my mom use to do- they both miss terribly. But in time, we hope that she gets her speech back, for her mostly, I can't image being unable to express myself verbally. She is a strong woman , if anyones got a chance at a good recovery its my mom. She is already determined, she does all the exercises she has been given from out-patient rehab plus speech exercises daily. She also reads, just magazines for now on health and strokes. She's completely aware of her situation and is keeping tabs on it. She has improved her right leg and is using a cane to get around but still sits in the wheel-chair, her right arm has shown some life but is not working other-wise and of course her speech is limited. But it has been less then 1 year, so we are hopeful that she's just recovering at a slow speed b/c of the huge hit she took August 21, 2007. I have read it takes 3 years for a full recovery to take place, so we got some time. I know that she has come so far but I do wish we could fast forward and have her walking, talking and doing any activity she felt like doing; cooking, driving etc. I remember when she was in a coma, just laying there so quiet, so weak, now shes upright, smiling and putting weight on. She's alive and working her butt off to get her life back. I know that I should be happy for her progress so far and I know more is coming but I am sad, I feel so mad and I want it to never have happened, I want it to just disappear. Gosh, this time last year, I was visiting my parents in New Jersey, we all went to Sandy Hook to walk the beach. It was beautiful out, My mom was walking her dog, Randy, my sister was walking her dog and I was dancing around, then there was dad taking pictures, as usual. Huh, things are different now, but I do hope in time we will all be walking some beach together again or just being together anywhere is fine too. I know this time is tough for you Dave, we sound very similar in the sense of being so far and visiting and calling as much as possible but not being there all the time is painful. I feel like I'm a bad daughter, I feel jealous of my sister for being there and helping out so easily. I want to see my mom progress daily, I want to help her and I want to hold her. But I am here in Nevada trying to not be sad or lonely for them, but its hard and painful too. I hope you know your dad may improve enough to come home with your mom with an aide or family members helping out. It is possible. It is early on in his recovery, so time will tell, miracles do happen. I know, my dad wanted my mom home no matter what her condition was, he missed her and knew his care would be good enough. I'm sure your mom feels similar, shes lonely and wants her husband, best-friend around too. Maybe, in time your father can get strong enough to make it back home. I know about being realistic but being hopeful at this point is all you can do. I will pray for you and your family. Do stay positive and if you need to vent or anything do post and I'll respond. Do take care, Sarah Jane Ps. Diane I hope you are healthy and happy, enjoying life. Happy 2008 to u and your family.

[Blazengirl]

Hello all of you...
Sarah, thanks so much for your update, it could not of come at a better time for me. This morning, my father was brought home and while things have not improved much, we have hopes that he will make better progress being in his own home. I, too, am so far away, Mom and Dad live in northern Indiana and I live in Central Florida. I did go back up to see him around Christmas time but have not been home since because I am deathly afraid of being snowed in! My partner and I are scheduled to fly up there in June for a few days as she has not been able to see him at all since it happened and I just need to get up there again to visit with him. I struggle almost every day with the guilt that I am not able to be of more help to my Mom.
I am fortunate that 2 of my 4 brothers live in the same area so they have been the primary support for my Mom. For them, things have changed significantly. A ramp was installed into the front door of their home, interior doorways have been widened and hopefully, home care will start tomorrow but I'm not sure how many days they will be there a week. Also, I guess bathroom modifications are in the works as well today by my brothers so I'm sure Dad's needs will be met. I just worry that my Mom, at her age, will try to do too much herself. And if I ask her about doing too much, she'll lie to me. So, I call my brothers instead. :-)
Dad, too, is paralyzed on his right side...still does not speak much, no function has been regained either in his leg or arm but it's only been a little over 4 months since it happened. And, yes, they say that recovery can only be measured in years, not months. But, like you, I really miss talking to him on the phone and hearing his voice. February was a tough month for me as they would always get out of the Indiana cold and come down here to visit sunny Florida during that month and I had gotten used to them being here. He is able to move about in his wheelchair, does walk a bit but only when assisted and uses a cane. They tell us his right arm will be the last to recover if it ever does.
For me, my doctor put me on cholesterol lowering drugs this month as my numbers were not coming down in spite of my efforts to change them. So, for my family, it's hereditary and since the risk is so much higher for us, all of us are on medication for this due to our family history.
I hope that this finds you all doing better with either your own stroke recoveries or that of your family member. It helps me to hear about what you all are going thru and how you deal with situations that come up because it helps me to not feel like I'm going crazy! :-)

[sarah jane]

March 10, 2008

Dear Dave: Great news, your is dad home; I do believe being in your own home and normal surroundings is best if possible- not only to get his recovery going again but for his and your moms comfort and happiness. Also, getting the house ready is a lot of work but smart and safe. We too put a chair in that goes up and down the stairs b/c my mom isn't doing stair climbing yet, not even in therapy. And we took the rim around the wheel-chair off to make it smaller to fit into our small bathrooms. Plus, a shower seat is used when my mom is in there, that's really helpful. And of course loose rugs have been rolled up so she doesn't trip when shes using the cane to walk around. So, things change but in the long run, I believe your father will recover, it just take years like u said. He is older then my mom (62), but still very young. I do hope he becomes strong enough to enjoy life again and not be so much for your mom to handle. I too worry about my dad, taking on so much but they love each other and it will get easier as my mom recovers more and more each day- like your dad. And your not crazy or alone, we both need to remind ourselves, daily that we love them and we are doing our best. They know we are there for them and the distance stinks and it hurt me when I left the last time even more b/c that visit my mom was alert and aware of everything and she basically said don't leave because things are different now and she cried. Then I cried plus my dad, sister and new baby was there, huh it just killed me. I remember looking at her in her wheel-chair, so thin so sad for me to stay but I had been in N.J. over a month again since August and my 2 dogs and boyfriend were begging me to come home and help-out. Huh, I cry now thinking about that day that talk. It is what it is though, I had to leave and resume my life here again but my heart wanted to stay never leave, just be with my mom and dad forever, never leave the house, never marry. See, crazy that's me- not u. I love them so much, it hurts so much to here and them there needing me and needing so much help. But I will visit as much as possible and call daily and email my dad telling him I love him and I am proud of him and my mom for working so hard and loving each other so much. So, do stay positive and do your best and thats all we can do. I am glad your dad is home this will start a new phase in his recovery, once a routine is established things will go smoothly. Do take care, you can vent anytime to me, I do understand, your not alone, Sarah Jane